I Want Things To Be Easy

I've learned this about myself.  It's not that I mind hard work, but I like hard work on problems that are inherently difficult.  When something becomes more difficult than it should be because problems come up, or I can't find the right person to help me, or I have to wait on other people to do things before I can do my things, and so on...  my patience goes to about 0 and I get quite discouraged.  I so wish I could be one of those people that just plugs through things.  But alas, I think those are the same people who are endurance runners, expert violinists, and graduate school enthusiasts.  I am none of those things.

If we want to get philosophical here, there's a point to quit, right?  If you don't, it's called banging your head against a wall.  For example, starting programs in a small town is tricky.  People don't necessarily want new programs because they're... new.  They're change.  They come from these out-of-town folk.  So putting time, effort, and money into those things can feel rather futile.  At the same time, these programs are usually good ideas.  In the nonprofit world, I think you just have to keep going, hope that your work affecting people's lives for the better, and hope you're able to bow out gracefully if it's ever clear that something just isn't working.  

And speaking of making new programs happen... the title of this post should really probably be "I Want Things To Be Easy and I Don't Like Asking For Help".  It's not that I mind talking to people.  I just don't like being dependent on them.  And I don't like putting people I don't know very well in a position where they have to say yes or no to my requests.  I've known this for a long time, deep down, but it's really come out in full force lately because my job suddenly requires me to ask the WHOLE TOWN for help.  I'm only being a little dramatic.  After my weekly meeting with Justin on Monday, I realized that my to-do list included talking to no less than 15 people about things we need.  Tillers, excavating equipment, manure, soil, pump installation, a sign, compost... the list goes on.  PACT, of course, doesn't have those things, it's only me coordinating the garden, and even if I were to figure out how to install a pump, for example, there's no way I should because it would take too much time away from everything else I need to do.   I can't just do what needs to be done, and that's the kind of thing that keeps me awake at night (not really, I go right to sleep at night. but it does make me toss and turn in the morning. That's just not as good of a phrase).  

Of course, if I were home, those things would be easy.  Everyone tells you that you're going to look back on your childhood and be like "man, I didn't realize how great I had it".  I grew up on a farm, and I've always been appreciative of that, but I totally took for granted how great it was to have large machinery, tools, mechanics, laborers, and a dad and brothers with years of experience and wisdom at my back door.  Why, WHY am I starting a garden 1500 miles away from home?

That's rhetorical.  I'm happy to be here.

I'm complaining, but a lot of things have happened because some amazing people have helped me out.  Kathy Ryan (a City Council member who's a mover and shaker) got the city guys to do a rough dig on the garden beds for me.  Richard Seely, a sweet elderly man, is letting us borrow his tiller.  We had a great group of students from the University of New Mexico come and do some functional art pieces at the garden site, including a mushroom water filtration system, a bicycle pump, and a structure made out of reclaimed wood.  Many others have offered contacts or advice (so much advice... so many opinions... usually contradictory... "well now, you have to watch out if you're doing flood irrigation, because the salt will rise up through the soil", or "the only way to get rid of the salt is by flooding the bed and leeching it down"... take your pick! Votes?  Anyone?).

The humble beginnings of our compost pile.  You can see the excavated garden beds in the background.

Structure parts

It's a bicycle pump!

Mushroom filtration "worm" (don't worry, all the locals think it's weird too)

UNM students

And really, if I'm honest (ugh), it's a good learning experience to work through problems and to be dependent on other people.  It's allowed me to form connections that I wouldn't have otherwise, and I think it helps community members engage in our garden space.

But be careful of thinking things like "I wish I had a little more patience", or "I wish I could be one of those people who just sticks with things long term until they happen", or "You know what would be a great idea? A community garden." because soon enough, you'll probably just get the chance to work on those things.